Seeing a Positive Life ...Through Sleepy Eyes

Saying "Good morning" at noon does not really have the same 'feel' as saying it at, say, eight o'clock in the morning. However, this has become part of an unbreakable, uncontrollable cycle of sleep issues that often pairs itself with someone who has a chronic illness. Having fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism, and syringomyelia is a mean mix of disease that interrupts the normal sleep cycle...not to mention the other five illnesses that I have been diagnosed with.

If you live with chronic pain and/or illness you realize the frustrations of 'true rest'. How often do you wake up feeling refreshed and revived? Are you able to sit up in the morning, stretch, while reaching over to turn the alarm off? Most likely, the answer (for most) is no. There is almost never a time when I am able to wake up to an alarm because it is an odd moment that I will even hear it. Some nights I am in bed by nine-thirty, asleep by ten, and still not wake up until ten or eleven the next morning, then there are the nights that sleep does not come until two or three in the morning, last night is an example of that. Therefore, I did not get out of bed until eleven this morning. Days that start this way, usually, do not see much accomplishment. It feels as if I have wasted a day that 'could have been something'. For this, I should kick myself. Each and every day that I open my eyes is a blessing, that is SOMETHING.

Family adaptations are not always easily managed. My day starts when most are taking a mid-day break or, in some cases, ending their day. What a waste! But, there is no use in fighting it, if you do not listen to your body, it will retaliate. Sleep when it tells you to sleep, be active when you are able (careful not to over-do it) ...you will be rewarded physically and mentally.

 

I love the days when I can wake up early, if this happens once or twice, then it will usually last for at least a week. Those are my favorite days, when I am not sleeping my days away. Having a chronic illness changes your entire life and rolling with the punches can be very difficult, however, if you listen to your body and your doctors, it makes for a more fulfilling life. There is no reason to give up everything when your body has handed you a basket of lemons, use it to your advantage ...make lemonade, make a pie ...for me, it is coffee and a bagel but you get the point.

Personal Health Update:

I pulled a muscle in my neck at the end of May. The pain has been excruciating. I have lost a huge amount of motion. The muscles in my head, face, neck, and shoulders have been effected. Brushing my teeth, washing my face and hair, laying down, combing my hair, all of these everyday activities have become almost impossible without shedding a few tears. Muscle relaxers, Valium, heat/ice, and professional massage have all given the same results ...nothing. No improvements. I have seen my family doctor and after taking a CBC (complete blood count), he found that there was no infection in the hardware in my neck, or anywhere else, but a high marker for allergies. He will retake CBC in a month. In the mean time, my pain management doctor wants to do steroid injections into the aggravated muscles, which terrifies me. She would have to put them into my shoulders, neck, and the occipital bone area of the back of my head; she tells me how painful this will be at the time and maybe for a few days after, then I should feel relief. Immediately following this statement, she offers a prescription for Prednisone as an alternative. I quickly agreed to the oral steroid. She knew I would choose that over injections, this is not the first talk of injections that we have had, I feel that it is inevitable that I will have to have them at some point. For the time being, I believe the Prednisone is helping, THANK GOODNESS! I am not out of the woods yet but I can see a small clearing.

While my health is in constant motion, my goals remain strong and steady. I am (slowly) continuing to write my novel and compile a poetry collection. My goal is to publish both this year, however, I would be happy to see even one of them in print by the end of the year. Like everyone else, I have days that I allow my illness and what it has taken from me to get me down. I feel anger and frustration at the things that I can no longer do, however, I feel this is healthy and necessary. I tell those around me to let me be angry, let me cry, I will not stay in that place for long ...just a short visit that ends in my being thankful for all of the things that I do still have, all of the things that I am still able to do - even though they may be difficult. Acceptance.

I wish you plenty …of love, understanding, support, spoons, and dreams come true!

 

Monica Reents